Amy Durfee West’s Blog
What’s a Methodist lawyer from Colorado doing in a Baptist seminary in Pennsylvania?

I got a physical two days after I got back from Denver. About a week ago I got the results of the blood tests.

My cholesterol is high. It’s all in the LDL, which, in case you’re wondering, is “low density lipoprotein.” That’s the “bad cholesterol,” and all of a sudden I’ve got too much of it. That number has gone up almost 50 points in five years. My primary care provider said she’d give me 6 months to try lowering it with diet and exercise, and if that doesn’t work then we’ll have to look at medication. I note, however, that I was given no guidance on just exactly she meant by “diet and exercise.” I was left to my own devices there. Thankfully, I have Internet access, and I found a nice booklet from the NIH about lifestyle changes to lower cholesterol.

Well, I can certainly do exercise, and drop some weight. I wasn’t working out much during fall semester, and I gained back some of what I lost last summer. (Why, o why, is it so hard to maintain balance?) But, honestly, I already eat a near-ideal diet, heart-wise. I don’t eat red meat or get much animal fat of any kind. I eat ridiculous quantities of vegetables, especially the high-value ones like collard greens and broccoli. About the only room for improvement is in the number of egg yolks a week, and in butter and cream. And now, sadly, I’m kind of afraid to eat cheese.

I read somewhere that grass-fed cream and butter are good for you. They have high levels of Omega-3 fatty acids, and they have CLA (conjugated linoleic acid), which body builders use as a “fat burner.” Plus, they taste really good. But I can cut back.

I did some research. Diet-wise, there are two things that I wasn’t doing that might help. One is soluble fiber. I used to eat a lot of oatmeal, back in my low-LDL days. Then I was convinced to cut back on carbs., and I got out of the habit Well, alright. Oatmeal it is. Brussels sprouts also have a lot of soluble fiber. And so do citrus fruits, and some other things, like lima beans. The other thing that helps, and that can make a significant difference (comparable to a low dose of Lipitor) is plant-based sterols and stanols. There are some foods that have patented versions of these compounds added to them. To get the recommended 2 grams a day from food I’d have to eat about 70 carrots. The special orange juice, which no one seems to sell anymore anyway, had the daily dose in 16 ounces of juice. Good grief, that’s a lot of carbs (and calories.) The margarine seems like the best bet.

So now I’m eating oarmeal, oat bran, milled flax seed, wheat germ, and a brand of margarine with an “ideal” fat composition plus 1700 mg of plant phytosterols (from pine trees) in a one tablespoon serving. It doesn’t taste as good as my grass fed cultured organic butter, but it’s not too bad. And all I need is a 17% reduction in LDL, since my other risk factors are low. I have high HDL (the “good” kind of cholesterol) and my triglycerides are nice an low. I can’t figure out if they still think soy foods help. It seems like the jury is still out on that issue. I used to drink soy milk, and I’ve gone off that. But I could eat a big more tempeh and edamame, I suppose.

I came up with a cooking hint for porridge. I adapted an idea from Laurel’s Kitchen, which is the best single source on vegetarian cooking. The authors suggest making it the night before, and putting it in a thermos. When I went shopping for one I found a thermos with a not-very-wide mouth that cost $30, or I could get a miniature crock pot for $15. When I get up in the morning I bring the grain and water to a boil, and cook it until it starts to thicken. Then I put it into the tiny crock pot (designed for keeping dip hot) and plug it in. I do my workout, and maybe even take a shower, and the gruel is ready, all nice and hot and fully cooked, when I am. A little bit sticks to the side, but it comes right off after being soaked in cold water. It would also work fine to cook up a week’s worth at a time, and to heat individual servings in the microwave, but I don’t have one.

I’ve been writing down everything that goes into my mouth, this time tracking saturated fat, total fat, soluble fiber and cholesterol. Dietary cholesterol is not supposed to exceed 200 mg a day. (An egg yolk–just one–has 215 mg.) I was surprised to learn that low fat dairy products and fish still have cholesterol, but this is not tough for me to achieve. Total fat should be between 25 and 35 percent of calories for the day. I only started Monday and all the tracking and calculating is already a huge imposition, and a bore. But the nice thing is if you don’t vary your diet all that much you can just copy down the values you already went to the trouble of looking up, so after a few days it gets faster. There’s a USDA website that gives nutrient values for foods, and you can do word searches. That helps.

I’m having a hard time finding values for soluble fiber. I’m supposed to get 10 to 25 grams a day. The best way to do that is with psyllium husks, with 5 mg. in a tablespoon, but I haven’t decided to do that yet.

I’ve also been working out. With my heart rate monitor I track the time, the calories burned, and the average and maximum heart rate. The recommendation is to get 30 minutes a day of moderate activity. Since I want to lose weight, and since I have no desire to be on statins for the rest of my life, I’ve been doing almost an hour a day.

I’ve got six months. I’ll let you know how it comes out.

I finished the fall semester on December 17, and flew to Denver that same night. I was in Denver until January 4, catching up with family and friends, singing twice with the choir in my home church, hiring a new caregiver for my sister, and having a wonderful time. I also completed three seminary transfer applications.

There are six seminaries on my list of places I’d like to go to finish up my M.Div. I got one application done before the trip, and two, with February deadlines, are still pending. I want and need to be in a seminary with a stronger connection with a larger academic community. I also want more intellectual challenge, and a broader exposure to other religious traditions. I now think I am being called to teach, so I want to go on after the M.Div. and get a Ph.D.

Palmer is a good school. All of my teachers have been excellent, and I have learned a great deal. It has been a wonderful introduction to theological study, and I am grateful for the experience. For that matter, it would have been difficult, if not impossible, to get the academic recommendations that I needed for the transfer applications without having been here. It almost had to be a two-stage process.

Working as a writing coach, and helping teach New Testament Greek, gave me an opportunity to experience a special kind of satisfaction. Teaching is a lot like parenting, in that the reward comes in seeing the people one has taught or parented excel, and get the credit for their own achievements. I’m perfectly happy to be surpassed by those whose lives I have affected with my work. In fact, I want that. The next generation will have enormous challenges. They need excellent preparation for those challenges.

I get a bigger thrill when one of my students gets a perfect writing score (which has happened already!) than when I do. The “dance” that I do with my students is complex and fascinating. I have to win their trust. I have to figure out how to restore their confidence and encourage them to do more of what works. I have to pinpoint what the issues are, and explain them in ways that make sense to them. And I want to be sure they can replicate their success. I love doing those things. It is a special kind of loving interaction. I am perfectly content in a supporting role.

Years ago I read a story about a piano teacher who had a student who won the Van Clyburn competition. It stuck in my mind, and now I think I know why. My true excellence may lie in my ability to inspire the genius in others. As a teacher, I can train others and send them out to do the things that need to be done. I can also use my status as a scholar and teacher to have a voice in public discourse about kingdom of God issues.

I still think I’m also being called to ministry. I am much more comfortable, and much happier, doing pastoral ministry than I ever expected. That’s another way God can use me. In light of my teaching and ministry experiences, “Plan A,” which was the M.Div./MBA joint degree, does not seem like quite as good a fit. It would still be fine, and if I don’t get into any of the six seminaries to which I’m applying, I’ll go ahead and stick with it. But the road signs now seem to be pointing elsewhere.

Saving Jesus from the Church: How to Stop Worshiping Christ and Start Following Jesus, by Robin R. Meyers, takes a close look at the New Testament and traces the development of “Christology,”  from Jesus as a “good teacher,” (Mark 10:17) to Jesus as The Christ–God Incarnate. Rev. Meyers is the pastor of Mayflower Congregational Church in Oklahoma City, an “unapologetically Christian, unapologetically liberal” church in the reddest of all red states.

Meyers says a new Reformation is needed to return Christianity to its pre-biblical roots. Before the creeds and councils, before the canon was closed, before the Gospel of John was written, people weren’t talking about the Holy Trinity or the divinity of Christ. Followers of Jesus were out preaching, teaching, healing getting martyred, and bringing the Good News to vast numbers of people, but their theology was a bit sketchy. They said to repent, and to follow; they didn’t say anyone had to claim intellectual assent to a set of propositions. The earliest New Testament texts, the epistles, say that Jesus rose from the dead but contain no detailed narratives about that, nor do they have a birth narrative. At first there were no “four spiritual laws” or special sinners’ prayers. There were just outcast followers of the Way trying to live out the teachings of Jesus. A disciple is a student, a follower. Discipleship, therefore, is to be as much like Jesus as possible.

Jesus said to follow him, not to worship him. By succumbing to the docetist heresy, which denies the humanity of Jesus, the church has put him out of reach. We can’t be like him, because he’s God and we’re mortal.

The central problem with making Christianity about what you believe instead of what you do is that it requires no change of heart or change of behavior. If I get salvation just by praying a particular prayer (or by being one of the elect, or by whatever route my particular denomination lays out) then I have no reason to curb my appetites, master my ego, or go out of my way at all. “Believers” who aren’t doers are Pharisees. They sneer about “works righteousness” and do nothing at all to make the world look like the kingdom that Jesus proclaimed. No wonder so many people find this hypocritical, and useless.

Meyers says, “What is wrong with America today is identical to what is wrong with the church, and the two are feeding off each other in a demonic way. If the gospel cannot compel us to recover the meaning of covenant and the political consequences of being responsible to and for one another, then perhaps Karl Marx was right when he said religion is ‘the opiate of the masses.’ . . . But if we want to survive, if we want peace, and if we still believe in justice, then we must change more than administrations. We must recover a theology of conscience and reject the dominant and heretical theologies of personal ‘victory.’”

Meyers contrasts the Sermon on the Mount with the Nicene Creed. The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) is all about what people should DO–turn the other cheek, treat others as we wish to be treated, don’t swear, don’t divorce, love your enemies, etc. There’s nothing in it about what to believe. By contrast, the Nicene Creed is about what to believe. There’s nothing in it about what to do.

The Emperor Constantine called together the Council of Nicaea in 325 to settle some doctrinal questions that had come up. The most significant of these was the “Arian Controversy,” an argument over whether Jesus was God. It was the first ecumenical council, and paved the way for others.

In the book, Meyers says that authentic followers of Jesus see him as teacher, not savior. He says Christianity is about compassion, not condemnation. Prosperity is dangerous, not divine. Discipleship is obedience, not control. And religion is relationship, not righteousness.

If the church were to embrace these principles, a lot of people who have been turned off by the intellectual dishonesty, the hypocrisy, and the arrogance of the Christian church might come back. And the church would be creating beloved communities, resisting injustice and oppression, caring for creation, and welcoming everyone. The kingdom of God would, indeed, come upon the earth as it is in heaven.

I loved this book. Meyers is a brilliant writer, a Bible scholar, and a deep thinker. One review of the book on Amazon.com completely disagreed with everything Meyers said, but said it was worth reading just because Meyers writes so well. (By the way, the reviewer didn’t bother to give any scriptural or historical basis for his disagreement. It appeared to be entirely ideological, which is precisely the point Meyers makes in the book. In going from “followers of the Way” to “worshipers of the Christ” the Jesus movement got terribly lost.)

I also loved this book because it validates that my presence in seminary is not necessarily inconsistent with my doubts and questions. Meyers says, “I had arrived at seminary with more than my share of doubts, but I was also pulled along by something I could neither name nor ignore. My graduate studies had done two things simultaneously–added to my doubts and made more palpable the pull of that unnamed and unknowable Something.” Amen, brother. I HEAR you.

Meyers seals the deal for me by closing the book with my favorite scripture passage. “He has told you, O mortal, what is good: and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Mic 6:8)

A good friend of mine lost over 20 pounds about 5 years ago, and has kept the weight off. When I asked her what she eats, she said, “fish and vegetables.” In addition, although she’s always been active, she ramped up her physical activity, and she has kept doing that.

At the beginning of the summer I decided to get serious about changing my body composition. I wanted to maintain or increase lean body mass, and burn fat. I started off on my friend’s “fish and vegetables” regimen, and it’s a good one, but I got tired of eating so much fish. I decided to change it up, and I expanded it. You could call it “protein and produce.”

I eat enormous quantities of vegetables. I’ve been doing that for several years. It’s a consequence of two related changes in my life. First I more or less accidentally became a semi-vegetarian (i.e. I eat eggs, dairy, and fish, but no mammals or birds). Then, back home in Colorado, I signed up for a weekly delivery from “Door to Door Organics,” which dropped a box of organic produce on my porch every Thursday morning.  Even the small box from Door to Door Organics was far more produce than one person would ordinarily consume in a week. (Most people probably don’t eat that much in a month.) I would give some of it away, but for the most part I tried to eat it all before the next shipment came. Somehow this was different from my previous pattern, where I would decide to eat more veggies, buy a bunch of them, and then forget them until they became inedible in the crisper drawer, and I’d have to throw them away. It was as if I put myself in a competition with myself to take advantage of the opportunity presented by all that great food.

Even though I don’t have home veggie delivery anymore, I’m still eating a lot of vegetables. There’s a produce stand in the Reading Terminal Market, near my church, that offers a 10% student discount. Their stuff is already quite inexpensive, and with the discount it’s the lowest price I’ve found. It doesn’t keep very long, though, so, once again, I have to be focused on eating it all before it goes to waste. On the other side of the spectrum, near where I live there’s a Farmers Market every Saturday that sells amazingly fresh produce from farms in Lancaster County. It costs a bit more than at the grocery store, but the flavor and quality are superb.

Several years ago I took to heart some diet advice that said to limit fruit and dairy in order to keep carbohydrates down. This summer I’ve been eating a lot of fruit, in addition to my ridiculous quantities of vegetables. (Somehow a spinach smoothie just doesn’t sound very appealing.) I think fruit plays an important role in my health, and it tastes so good it also contributes to satiety. It may also be that the acid-base balance generated by my high intake of produce affects body composition. I didn’t make that up; I have a well-researched article that says it’s important to eat foods, or food combinations, that have a neutral or alkaline effect on the body. Fruits and vegetables, as well as herbs and spices, will do that. So, for example, to reduce the acidity of a meat meal, one should add herbs, spices, vegetables and fruits. This preserves muscle and assists in fat loss.

The article suggests some other strategies, such as getting enough sleep, avoiding foods that cause insulin to surge, getting enough calcium and Omega-3 fatty acids, and eating frequent small meals. I have incorporated a number of them into my life.

When I started this “project” I didn’t have any obvious places to cut back. I don’t drink pop, or eat candy. I don’t munch on chips. I dislike donuts. I despise white bread. I have long had a reputation as a “health food nut.” At one law firm where I worked, I used to bring my own lunch most days, and I ate it in the lunch room. Almost every day, someone would come into the lunchroom, look at my lunch, and say, “Wow, aren’t you eating healthy food?” or words to that effect. Several things about that, besides its utter predictability, struck me. One thought was always, “Shouldn’t just about everything we put in our mouths be good for us?” Another was, “Boy, it’s rude to pronounce judgment–even a positive judgment–on what someone else is eating.” But, despite a high quality diet, I was getting too much of a good thing.

In June I decided to limit portion sizes and make some other adjustments. I figured out how much fat, protein and carbohydrate should be in each feeding, and I pre-planned some combinations that closely matched those micronutrient targets. That way, I don’t have to count calories. Every “mini-meal” has about the same number of calories, and about the same micronutrient composition (i.e., grams of fat, protein and carbohydrate.) It is high protein and moderate-carb, with the calories calculated at about 20% less than my maintenance level. I aim to stay within those limits most of the time, with the occasional “cheat meal” or treat. (This eating plan was inspired by my favorite fitness and weight management coach, Tom Venuto. His advice is intelligent, scientifically sound, and sane. You can access his blog here.)

The mainstay of the eating plan is “protein and produce.” I have about 22 grams of protein every time I eat, and I have at least one fruit or vegetable every time. I shoot for about 320 calories per feeding, and eat four or five times a day. On the mornings that I do yoga, I have a smoothie afterwards made with buttermilk, protein powder, and fruit. Other mornings I have an omelette made with one whole egg and three egg whites, and a cooked vegetable such as collard greens or broccoli. If I don’t want to cook I have low fat cottage cheese, berries, and coconut oil. Sometimes I have oatmeal, because I really like it, and a smoothie, because oatmeal doesn’t have much protein. One of my favorite lunches is a wrap made with a low-carb whole grain tortilla and tuna salad, or thinly sliced fake turkey, and raw spinach. “Side dishes” are usually steamed vegetables, or raw vegetables such as carrot sticks, celery sticks, peppers, and cucumbers. “Dessert” is usually fruit. For dinner I often have fish and vegetables. At least once a day, I have a big salad. When I’m in a hurry or don’t want to cook lunch or dinner, I have lettuce, cottage cheese, fruit, and pecans or walnuts.

Generally, I try to pay attention to what I’m eating, and mindfully enjoy the flavors, colors and textures. I try to stop eating when I’m no longer hungry, but before I actually get full. It’s not about denial or privation, or “losing” anything. I want to build capacity–strength, endurance, energy, flexibility, balance, and vitality.

It’s working. Some of my clothes are actually a little too baggy. Mostly I’m wearing the same things, but they aren’t as snug, and I look better in them.

I use a heart rate monitor when I exercise, so I know how many calories I burn. It’s getting harder to burn very many calories, because that’s a function of heart rate, and as fitness improves it gets harder to get the heart rate up and keep it up. Doing my favorite power yoga DVD used to burn about 330 calories, and now it’s down to 176, making it close to useless for creating a calorie deficit. Nevertheless, exercise is important for me because it reduces stress, and keeps me from using other stress-management strategies that involve ingesting extra calories.

Human bodies were made for motion. It’s important to move, to get out of breath, to challenge the muscles, and to be in the body and fully present in moments of movement. For me, yoga is an ideal way to keep all those things in my life on a regular basis. The effect on the shape of my body is obvious, but the benefits go far beyond aesthetics. I am more flexible. I am more relaxed. I am calmer. My ability to maintain my physical balance has improved, and so has my emotional balance. These mental and emotional effects make it easy to get back on the mat. One morning last week I thought I couldn’t spare the time for a formal session with the DVD. I thought I’d just do a few sun salutations to wake up my body. But after one sequence I decided I really wanted to do a whole hour, and I did. I don’t think it was wasted time. I didn’t get any less done that day than I would have if I had skipped the workout.

As a precondition to obtaining a divorce, my husband and I were both required to take a class in “parenting after divorce.” I remember thinking how great it would be to have a business where the clients were under court order to do business with me. I now have four clients who pay me to help them with their writing because the seminary told them to do it.

I like my students, and I respect their calls to ministry, their many spiritual gifts, and their compelling stories.  And, despite having no choice in the matter, they all have great attitudes, and want to improve their writing. I look forward to our tutoring sessions, and I have been working hard to learn how to be an effective writing tutor.

I want to write about the experience of being a writing tutor without violating my clients’ privacy. I also wouldn’t want anyone to read my blog and think I’m arrogant or judgmental. For those reasons, I will be vague about my students’ identities. That goes against advice that I give them (”Be specific! Give details! Add some life!”), but I want to protect them, and show them the respect they deserve.

Teaching helps me learn. Being the teaching assistant for the summer New Testament Greek class in July and August gave me a perfect opportunity to review the material and reinforce my own comprehension. That was my main reason for taking the job. Having to explain Greek to other people sharpened my skills. Unexpectedly, I also really loved doing it. I was genuinely fond of all of my students, and I wanted them all to succeed. It was a joy to see understanding dawn on a student’s face when I came up with an explanation that finally connected. Some students were struggling at first, and doubted their own abilities. The ones who trusted the instructor and me (and the author of the text), and who persevered, all did well in the class.

One particular student made a huge gain in understanding in the last few days of class. Regardless of their scores on homework, quizzes, attendance, and a group translation project, in order to pass the class they had to come in and translate a passage from the Gospel of John, using any materials they wanted other than a Bible written in English, and get a passing grade on that. This student had done poorly in practice tests, and she asked to meet with me one-on-one. We worked together on a section from John’s Gospel, and luckily we chose a passage that had some good examples of common issues that come up for beginning translators. All I did was give her a few pointers, cheer her on, and tell her I respected and admired her tenacity and hard work. Her grade on the final was significantly higher than the grades on her practice tests. I was so happy for her.

Because of that experience, I am confident that I can be a good coach for my writing clients, and can help them gain confidence, find their own voices, and get the most out of their seminary educations, but I am on a steep learning curve. They are looking to me to help them, and in some cases I do not see a way just yet.

Most of what I know about grammar and composition comes from my own reading and writing. I have been a bookworm since I first learned how to read. I am always reading, and I do a lot of writing. I have always kept journals and written letters. As a transactional lawyer, I’m paid to think, speak, and write. To me, grammar and usage rules seem obvious and intuitive. I’m sure I studied grammar in what they used to call grammar school, but I don’t remember how it was taught. It is so ingrained that I “just know” how things should be, and I “just know” when they look wrong. This is useless to my students. I do think their writing would improve if they read more, and wrote more, but right now they want concrete, specific help with diagnosing and curing their particular writing problems, and I have to figure out how to give them that.

With the exception of the one student who is from another country, they were all surprised and shocked when the seminary told them their writing is inadequate for graduate school. They have bachelors degrees, and they got good grades. One student gave me an undergraduate term paper as a writing sample, and I found it unbelievable that her college professor thought it was A work.

I have been searching for resources. I have collected many articles and books on teaching composition. I have found several excellent university websites with worksheets, short articles on grammar and composition, and even PowerPoint presentations. There is a lot of advice for writing tutors. Most of it is for people who work in university writing centers. That is different from the ongoing relationship that I have with my clients, but much of the advice is still valid, and I’m glad to have it.

One of my students speaks good English, has a great sense of humor, and is fun to talk to, so I know there is innate comprehension of grammar and syntax, but this student is very uncertain about parts of speech, comma use, clauses, and the like. I am trying to figure out how to make up for the fact that in 16 or more years of school the basic building blocks of language were not effectively taught. This student trusts me and likes me, and has said I have already made writing less onerous than it used to be. The first thing I did was assign some free writing, and talk a bit about voice, economy of words, and matters of style and process. At this point, the student needs an understanding of basic grammar concepts and terms,  so I will start including giving short grammar lessons and drills.

I have been looking for worksheets that are suitable for an adult learner. I found an internet site directed at home schoolers that has a lot of free worksheets, including several on comma usage, a weak spot for several of my students. The exercises look pretty good, but some of the answers are wrong! Now that I’ve been studying all the rules for comma usage, I can even explain what’s wrong with them in terms that go beyond, “It just doesn’t look right to me.” But, Oh, the internet; the mother of all buyer-beware situations! (As I understand it, in order to home school children, the parent/teacher has to use a standard, recognized curriculum. I hope that’s true. And I hope the folks who wrote these worksheets don’t also write home school curricula.)

The main thing is for me to be positive and encouraging. I am a coach, not a taskmaster. That comes naturally to me. The best parenting advice I ever got was, “You can’t build on weakness, only on strength.” This is as true for teaching as it is for parenting. All of my students, including the foreign student, speak good English. If they can talk, they can write, but only if they don’t get too freaked out to try, and if they don’t give up in frustration. My job is to work my way out of a job. To do this, I have to let them do the thinking, and the work.

Many students think that to get a good grade on a paper they have find out how the teacher expects them to sound, and parrot that. They also think a paper should use a lot of big words and long sentences. This can cause some big problems. One student was relieved to learn that academic writing should be simple, direct, and clear. This helped her relax, and find her own voice. Another student was relieved to learn that I have a hard time keeping up with all the reading and writing for my courses. Since I am convinced that the main difference between a good paper and an inadequate one is time on task, I’ve told them all how long it takes me to write a paper. (About two hours per page, after I’ve done all the research and note-taking.) I could do it in less, but it wouldn’t be as good.

There’s a lot of discussion in the English composition world about whether writing is a “product” or a “process.” I think it’s both, but another bit of advice for my students is that we rarely know where we’re going to end up, or exactly what we’re going to say, when we start writing. Writing is a way to learn what we know and what we think. Sometimes I start off with one thesis, but the paper that emerges is based on an entirely different idea. For example, last spring I wrote a paper about the Woman at the Well, and to my great surprise I found a strong message about the Holy Trinity. If I had not done the research, and written that paper, I don’t know if I ever would have seen that.

Some students have trouble reaching the required number of words for an assignment. I always have the opposite problem. There was one professor last year whose word limits were extremely spartan. My first draft of the final paper for her class was a full 50% longer than she allowed. Having to cut that many words was a great experience for me. The paper that finally emerged was lean, taut, and pointed. It’s among the best things I’ve ever written (although she did say, correctly, that it needed more of a conclusion. After slashing that much text, through several rounds of cutting, I decided to let the main body of the paper carry the weight of what I had to say.) Someone famous, I forget who, said that to write well you have to “murder your darlings.” We have to be ruthless with our pet phrases, our cliches, and our little words that take up space without adding any weight. I don’t do much of that on this blog, but if I ever write a book I know I’ll have to get out the red pen.

Several months ago, while waiting for a church service to start, I noticed a friend in the pew behind me knitting something, and I asked her what it was. She said it was a dishcloth. It looked like the loose-knit cotton dishcloths we used to use when I was a kid. I asked for the pattern, and she gave it to me the next week.

When I went to the craft store for cotton yarn I saw a book with patterns for ten different ridiculously fancy dishcloths. Medium-weight cotton yarn comes in a mind-numbing array of colors and patterns. I started watching for sales on yarn, and started collecting different cotton yarns just to have them around. And I started knitting dishcloths.

If I don’t mess up and have to tear out rows and redo them, it only takes about 3 or 4 hours to knit a dishcloth. That’s three round trips on the train to Center City, or two DVD movies. By the time I’m tired of the pattern or the color, the thing is done: almost-instant gratification.

While searching the internet for more patterns, I ran across a blog where the writer asked why anyone would want to knit a dishcloth. I didn’t join in the conversation, because I sensed that her world and mine might be too far apart. I use them for. . . . . . . washing dishes. There’s no dish washing machine in my little galley kitchen. There’s no place to put a dishwasher in my little galley kitchen. (In fact, I don’t even have room for a coffee maker. I use one of those cones that hold a Melitta filter, and make it directly into a thermal carafe, which, come to think of it, was exactly how my old coffee maker worked, only it was electric and took up counter space. ) These dishcloths work great for washing dishes, and for wiping down the counters and stove top. It’s nice to have something pretty and colorful to assist with the kitchen cleanup. And they make good gifts, because they are pretty, practical, unique, affordable (it costs about a buck for enough yarn for a dish cloth), and sturdy.

I recently had occasion to commemorate the “unwedding” of a young couple I know. Colorado is one of a handful of states that have common law marriage. Preachers were few and far between in the old days, plus Colorado has always been kind of free thinking, pragmatic, and independent. Marriage is a contract, and (in Colorado, anyway) requires only the assent of the partners (plus all the other conditions for a valid contract–they have to be of age, not married to anyone else, of sound mind, etc.) It’s a real marriage and, since there was no divorce at common law, it can only be dissolved by going to court, just like any other marriage. This young couple decided to put the recently-laid-off partner onto the health insurance of the still-employed partner by saying they were married. I advised against it, and explained all about the one-way nature of the decision. They did it anyway. I like them and wish them well, so I sent them a collection of seven ridiculously fancy hand-knit dishcloths as an “unwedding” present. I think they will eventually get around to having a more formal, and universally proclaimed, kind of wedding, but in the meantime I thought it was a nice gesture. And they will think of me, and of my friendship, when they’re doing dishes or wiping down counters.

Knitting dishcloths is addictive. I had a great-aunt who was a knitter. I barely knew her, but she would send us the cutest knitted things–sweaters with scenes from fairy tales, or mittens that looked liked skunks or chipmunks. I thought it was awesome, but I now realize she was seriously bitten by the knitting bug. Compared to that, I’m a rank amateur, but I do like doing this. There’s one yarn that looks like Neapolitan ice cream, another that looks like tutti frutti, and one that has all the colors of rainbow sherbet. There’s a style of yarn that is “self striping:” it’s somehow magically programmed to change colors in nice, even stripes. And you can get that very same green and white or red and white bicolor yarn that the old-fashioned dishcloths were made of. There’s a pattern that looks like the cover of my junior high band book (trompe l’oeil tumbling blocks).  Once I got the hang of it, I really got to liking “bee stitch,” which produces a nice, open pattern that dries fast. And then there’s “trinity stitch,” with little lacy knots, and a bunch of others. I have tried all but two of the patterns.

Knitting dishcloths is a good way to keep my brain active. It’s probably not quite as engaging or effective for that as studying Greek, but counting stitches and keeping track of rows is better than sitting there doing nothing. It’s also a good way to learn new knitting techniques cheaply. I don’t have to commit the time and yarn investment that I would devote to, say, an afghan or bedspread, to learn lacy stitches like “feather and fan.” This, in my opinion, is a good thing. I have a stack of ridiculously fancy dishcloths in my dresser, and more are being added every week. They make great hostess gifts. So, invite me for a visit, and you might get some dishcloths.

I arrived at Palmer Theological Seminary on August 26, 2008, in the evening. When I got here I met with Byron McMillen, the director of Auxiliary Services. He gave me the keys to my apartment, and to the entry door. He rounded up some strong young men to move all my stuff into my third floor apartment. He told me how to get to the nearest Target store, and asked me to stop by his office the next morning to sign a lease.  I went to Target and bought a twin sized air mattress, some sheets, and other supplies. Orientation began the next day. Rev. Dr. Burgie-Bryant opened the first session by saying, “God has called all of you together to this place for a purpose.” We sang “Here I am Lord.” I teared up. Yes, here I am.

This is also the anniversary of the passage of the Nineteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, granting universal women’s suffrage. That was in 1926, the year my mother was born. Fifty years later, Congress declared it Women’s Equality Day.

In the church, women still aren’t equal. Some denominations maintain a “separate but equally important” stance toward their female members and leaders. They say women may not “preach,” but they can “teach.” Their women lay leaders stand at floor level, instead of in the pulpit, to deliver their messages. My seminary is across the street from a Roman Catholic Seminary. Nationally, forty percent of the students in Catholic seminaries are women, yet Rome is adamant that only men can be priests. Even so, because of a priest shortage, a large number of Roman Catholic parishes are run by women, and their parishioners think of these women as their pastors.

The Methodist Church began ordaining women in 1956, but even in my denomination complete equality for women has been slow in coming. Nevertheless, I am thankful today for the Suffragettes and for the sacrifices that they made. I am thankful for men and women of faith and vision who have persisted in challenging stereotypes and overcoming artificial barriers to full participation in the church, and society, by all of God’s children. If it weren’t for them, I probably would not have had a mother who had a career, and would not have grown up taking it for granted that I would become a lawyer. I assume that I would still have been called to ministry, but answering that call would have been much more difficult.

Palmer Theological Seminary lives out its commitment to diversity. A majority of the students are Black, either African-American or African. While a large number of the students are fresh out of college, and in their early twenties, a significant percentage are old enough to be the parents of those students. The oldest Palmer graduate was 86, old enough to be grandmother or even great-grandmother to the youngest students. Half the students are Baptist, and the rest come from dozens of other denominations. Some are non-denominational.

This has been quite a year. Living here, getting to know people from other faith traditions and from other cultures, and exploring my calling, have changed me and challenged me in ways that I have yet to understand completely. I’m glad to be here, and I can hardly wait to find out what will happen next.

Twice in the last few days people have commented on my enrollment in a Baptist seminary. I am a United Methodist, and am not familiar with all the Baptist groups, but I can say that this seminary is American Baptist, and that kind of Baptist church does ordain women. Slightly more than half of the students at Palmer Seminary are women. Some of the women students come from Christian traditions that do not ordain women and that advocate subjugation of women, claiming it is God’s will.

Southern Baptists are a different matter. Jimmy Carter recently left the Southern Baptist denomination as a protest against sexism. He wrote an essay explaining that decision, that can be read here.

There’s a brief YouTube video where he explains his position. You can access it here.

This is impressive, and long overdue.

When I came to Philadelphia I planned to sell everything, pay off all my debts, and start over. I was able to sell an investment property last fall, but the house I lived in did not sell. I took it off the market and rented it out, at about half of my monthly payment. The equity in it is locked up, and I need to protect it by continuing to cover debt service.

I had thought I could just get student loans to fund this operation. I can, but not for anything in excess of what the university defines as my school expenses. That leaves a gap between income and expenses. I have been covering the gap, but I’m running out of things to sell.

I started looking for jobs last winter. I signed up for night and weekend classes for spring semester, so there would be time to work. But I haven’t even gotten an interview, much less a job offer.

I decided that the best solution is to re-launch Durfee West P.C. I am licensed to practice law in Pennsylvania now, and I’m still licensed in Colorado. I reactivated my malpractice insurance, got an office in an executive suite, ordered some business cards, and have started getting the word out that I am back in business.

I am looking forward to plying my trade again. Although I love school, I also get a great deal of satisfaction from my law practice. As a solo, I can decide how much I take on, whom I represent, and what hours I work. I am accountable only to my clients, and myself, not to an employer whose goals may not be the same as mine. I am comfortable and happy in the business world, in a lawyer role. It’s good to be back.

As for juggling work and school, I’m sure I can handle it. I worked full time for most of the years that I was raising a large, active family. Since I started my solo practice in 2002 I have had to balance the needs and priorities of multiple clients. I have mechanisms in place for getting help when I need it, and I am a professional. I’ll make sure I don’t drop the ball. School will be one “client,” and there is time for others.

When I was in Denver I rarely saw clients face to face. Almost everything was done by phone, fax and email. I have people in Denver who can meet with clients if necessary. It’s a four-hour plane ride, with frequent daily flights, so if I really need to be there physically it can be done. My practice is entirely transactional. With no court appearances to cover, there’s no reason I can’t have a “virtual” practice in Colorado. I still have my Denver office number, and I have a toll free fax number. This should work out just fine.

It is possible that I’ll keep doing this after I graduate.  I may have to be self-supporting in whatever ministry I enter in the future. There may be some further connection between the new skills I am acquiring in school and my work as a real estate lawyer. I am open to all possibilities.

About five years ago, one of the partners in a law firm where my first day on the job was my 29th birthday came up to me and said, “You haven’t aged.” I thanked him, and that really was nice to hear, but I was thinking, “Yeah, if it weren’t for the wrinkles, the gray hair, and the middle-aged spread, I’d look exactly the same as I did at 29.” In that five years I’ve slowly gotten even fatter. It’s time to face facts.

After years of obsession with weight when I was younger, which actually skidded dangerously close to anorexia when I was 14, I keep hoping I’ll just learn to be an intuitive eater, and have the body mass I consider best without having to weigh and measure my food and count calories. This hope is pinned in part on what happened in 1994, when I trained for a long bike trip, got into great shape, gained muscle and dropped a lot of body fat, seemingly just from riding the bike. However, in 2005 I trained for another long bike ride. Even before I started training, I had been working out close to 8 hours a week. That time, though, by the time the ride was over I was very fit and healthy, but still fat.

I keep seeing ads on the internet saying “Lose all the weight you want by obeying this one simple rule!” I know what the rule is, and it’s not “buy this latest weight loss fad and eat or drink it,” it’s eat less, exercise more. I have decided to give in to the laws of physics, and to ingest less energy than I expend, which does, sadly, involve counting calories (sigh). I started in mid-May, and I’m making progress. Two months ago, I had a pair of denim shorts that I couldn’t squeeze into at all. A month later, I could get them zipped if I laid down on the bed, but I couldn’t breathe when I stood up, so they went back in the drawer. Last Friday they were still a bit snug at first, but I zipped them without having to lie down, and I wore them all day with no ill effects.

I have worked out, off and on, for my entire adult life. Sometimes the “off” periods lasted many months, though probably never an entire year.  I took my first weight training class in 1976, when the idea of women lifting weights was quite avant garde. I feel great when I exercise regularly, and when I get back with it I always wonder why I ever stopped. I’ve started doing yoga, which I like very much.  I like walking, hiking, and biking.  I didn’t bring any of my weights to Philly, but I have some resistance bands, and what they used to call “calisthenics” are now referred to as “body weight resistance” exercises, meaning you use your own body weight to engage the large muscles, build muscle, and get the heart rate up to burn fat and improve cardiovascular health.

But what about that middle aged spread? In the last few years I have begun to think that may be more about not getting enough fat in my diet than eating too much. I think the “politically correct” high-carb, low-fat diet is extremely unhealthy, at least for me. People who tend to store extra fat in their abdomens may be carbohydrate-sensitive. In those people, consuming excess carbs and storing them as fat leads to inflammation, insulin resistance, and “metabolic syndrome,” all of which are precursors to type-2 diabetes. After years on that very diet I was tired all the time, cranky, and prone to colds and sinus infections. (I was also working full time as a lawyer and raising 5 kids; I’m not saying my health issues were all caused by diet.) A couple of years ago I started attending to what fats I was ingesting, instead of reflexively cutting all kinds of fat.

I am living proof that you can gain weight, or carry too much weight, on “healthy food.” But there is a difference. I don’t have as big a belly as I did. I have less abdominal fat. That’s the dangerous kind, the pre-diabetic kind. Aesthetics are one thing–where would we be without our vanity? But since I’m in the middle of a career change at a rather advanced age, my number one goal is to put a decent number of years into it once I graduate. To do that, I need to be healthy.

Even though I’m watching my energy intake, I’m also deliberately taking supplemental fat. Not a lot, mind you, and I don’t add much fat to food. But I take spoonfuls of coconut oil and an oil blend called Udo’s. Coconut oil has gotten a bad rap. Yes, it’s high in saturated fat. So are brain cells and nerve cells. For proper cognitive function, nerve function, and hormone balance, human bodies need fat.  Human beings are omnivores, and we can survive on pretty much anything that’s handy, at least for a time. My ancestors in Ireland lived on potatoes and cabbage. But the optimal diet has fish oil or some other source of Omega-3 fatty acids, and it has natural saturated fat–no transfats. I eat organic butter from grass-fed cows. Grass fed butterfat is high in Omega-3’s and it has conjugated linoleic acid, which some body builders take as a fat burning supplement.

My intention is to lose fat and preserve muscle. It’s wrong to watch “weight” alone, without paying attention to body composition. I have proof of that. In 2003, after a traumatic personal loss, I lost my appetite for an extended period of time. Twenty pounds came off very quickly, because I was hardly eating anything. (I tried to eat, but I couldn’t force myself to chew and swallow. It was actually scary.) But my body was larger than in 1994, when I weighed nine pounds more.  That experience also allowed me to prove, inadvertently, that crash diets make you fat. A lot of the weight that I lost on that “crash diet” was muscle. When I finally felt like eating again, I pigged out, and I ate things that I don’t normally touch, like white bread, and candy. I regained all the lost poundage, and kept gaining until I stabilized at 10 pounds more than the starting point, but it was fat, not muscle. My metabolism had tanked. I was cold all the time. I was weak. And I had a big round belly.

It is more important to move than to restrict food intake. A fat person who exercises is healthier than a skinny one who doesn’t. However, the option of being a skinny non-exerciser is not open to me. Barring some devastating, wasting illness, my only two choices are to be a chubby exerciser or an exerciser who, because of nutritional discipline, is also lean. Exercising while cutting calories spares muscle tissue. More of the weight lost comes from fat. And that, as I said, is what I want.